I was so there just about 8 months ago, and honestly I (knock on wood) could not have asked for things to be better with how things have worked out. Lucas was just a couple months of turning three when Leena was born and that in it self worried me. The other thing was like you, I was not sure how any of was going to adjust. I cried the entire time in the hospital, not for my new baby, but that Lucas was at home without me for the first time in his life. I though he would have to cry himself to sleep and just be a mess, but it turns out it was just me. He knew that I loved him and that he was safe with daddy so he was ok. from the get-go we included him in everything. We called Leena his baby, we had a big brother party instead of a baby shower and he came just minutes after she was born to help get her to nurse.( he would have been at the birth, but it went a little quicker then we all thought it would! ) I too was worried that he would want to nurse again, and he did ask and I let him and then that was that. He still tries to nurse sometimes and I just don't make a big deal about it. He self weaned when I was about 3 months preg. and i was actually sad b/c I thought that this could be a good bond/transition btw him and Leena.

 The first few weeks where crazy as with any new one, but honestly it has not been as bad as I thought. I will say that I am much more calm this time around and I am not sure if that is why she is more laid back, but she is. Lucas is my little spirit!

I know I have probably have not answered anything you asked, and I can't see your post anymore. But I just wanted to say that I think all your feelings are valid and I hope all goes well for you.
~Lisa

You know, I think all of what you are feeling is probably pretty common. I had so many conflicting feelings before DS was born (and DD was just under 22 months when he came)....like I was going to totally disrupt her life and she hadn't asked for any of it. And our lives *did* spin into chaos for awhile, but I think that's to be expected. It's an adjustment. And you will figure it out, and make it work, whatever that means for your own family. Novi might be jealous for awhile, and that's ok. (Or she might not be right away, and will be later, and that's ok, too). I just think it's important to pay attention to their feelings and needs, and muddle through as best you can. You and Novi will still have special time, and special cuddles, it's just going to be different. I have had many moments too where I felt bad for DS b/c DD would wake him up, or yell "NO!" at him, or any number of unpleasant things that there was no one around to do to DD....BUT, he adores her. And he has learned so much from her, and when they are getting along and playing together, I feel much better Life with her around is all he knows, you know? And man, does he pick up stuff from her fast!

I also really cannot sing the praises of a good baby carrier enough. He would sleep all snuggled up in a wrap or MT, and DD barely noticed he was there. So during the day we would do that, and I could do little activities with DD like playdough or bake cookies or other simple things that she liked. We went for a lot of walks ,etc. Also, if you can set yourself up with a little nursing spot where she plays (or a play area for her where you would nurse), that can help. DD is really into books, so we would get a big stack of books and sit on the couch and read and nurse, since DS was a marathoner. DD weaned early in the 2nd trimester, but did ask to nurse after DS was born. I let her try, but really all that meant to her was snuggling up to my boob, and not actually latching. She did this for a long time, and it wasn't a big deal. (Do you guys have the Sears book, What Baby Needs? That was a big one in our house...DD would say "DS is crying, we have to help him!"...if you don't have it , you can borrow ours, if you want)

At some point, I also read Siblings w/o Rivalry. Most of it is geared towards older sibs, but I still got a lot out of it in terms of understanding their feelings and sort of what NOT to do when they had little conflicts, and avoiding labelling, etc.

Anyway, ramble over I just wanted to let you know that your feelings are totally normal, and you will all be OK. A lot of what I had been fearing and worrying about just disappeared when I saw my new little...and you know, some days are better than others, but we do the best we can...and at some point, you will see them together, and it will just totally warm your heart (and of course then they will start getting into mischief together, which is simultaneously really funny and exasperating!)

Oh Christy! I can relate. My pregnancy with Mason went way too fast! He was born two days before my due date, and I have to say that I was really nervous and somewhat disappointed. I thought for sure that I would have another two weeks before he was born. I felt like I wasn't ready for him to come. Jackson was 3 years and four months when Mason was born. I felt guilty about having another baby. He was still nursing and had my undivided attention 24/7. I also felt sad for him like you do for Novi. I think that some jealousy should be expected. You just have to be ready to handle it. It was hard for me because in the beginning, I had the attitude that the baby comes first and Jackson just had to deal with it. Don't do that! You have to learn to give Novi her special time while her brother naps, even if it's only for 20 minutes. I did use a suggestion that I had read, about filling a basket with things like books, play- doh, magna doodle, crayons, etc. that you can have ready to go next to the sofa when you are nursing baby. That seemed to help tremendously. The first few months were crazy for us, but I am not good at incorporating a routine, so that could be why it was such an adjustment. Do Novi and Carlos enjoy spending time together? I know, that's a dumb question, but you can think of the first couple weeks as their time to bond. How long is he taking off of work? You are a great mom and you will do fine. We are all here to help if you need it!

P.S. I was looking at some pictures of times before Mason was born. I was thinking about how special it was for Jackson and I. I really felt sad about it and missed those days. But that 's okay, I am allowed to miss the time when I only had one child. I will not feel guilty about that. Actually, those days came again when Jackson started school. Then I got to spend all day with my second child. :-)

After reading Amanda's post, I was reminded of an LLL meeting I went to before DS was born. The topic was something like changes in your family, and we were talking about all the stages of change your family goes through from when you leave your parents' house, to getting married, to having the first baby, and subsequent babies, etc.. One of the things I got out of that meeting was that at each point your family changes, there is an old part of your life that is ending, and that it's okay and normal to grieve for that a bit. And you can be sad about what you're losing, but still be happy and excited about the change that's coming. I really enjoyed that meeting, and it was really helpful to me at the time.

I think it is so normal Christy. I had a really really tough time the last few months of pregnancy with Rachel. The guilt literally was eating away at me. While I was very excited to be having another baby, I thought of how sad it was for Asher. Micah pointed something out to me one day and asked if I planned to always only have one baby. Of course I had not planned that, so eventually Asher's world would have changed completely. I tried to enjoy every minute we had left "alone" together. I remember going to bed at night thinking "I only have xxx more weeks to sleep with only Asher & Micah". I had great friends to talk me through it and help me out, before and after Rachel arrived.

The first few months were total chaos for us. We did have a lot going on in our lives at that time, and Micah ended up working in Cincy, coming home every 5-7 days or so, for almost 3 months when Rachel was still a newborn. That was really tough, but we survived it. It will take you a while to find your groove, but you will find it. You've got lots of great friends that can help you find your way, too, so take advantage of that.

You are an amazing mother, and you will find your way.

Thank you so much mamas, for your encouraging replies! When I can be logical about the situation, I know that what I'm feeling is normal and that our family will find a way to make things work. But my hormones are raging right now and everything seems so much more dramatic than it really is. And, as I've actually experienced how demanding newborns are, I'm not romanticizing the early days like I did when I was pregnant with Novi.

I really appreciate the suggestions...I'll start working on a nursing basket. Great idea!! Fortunately for me, Novi loves to read, so we could probably do that together for hours without her getting bored. I also have a ton of baby carriers...I most definitely plan to carry him around most of the time, as I did Novi. I'm not sure how to use my Moby wrap, though, so I'll probably need some help from some of you experienced mamas in the early days.

We do indeed have the book 'What Baby Needs.' Novi likes it so much that I've had to repair 3 pages already. For some reason, she finds the picture of everyone getting buckled into the car to be highly entertaining?!  

I've heard of Siblings w/o rivalry. I need to check that out....And that LLL meeting sounds lovely. We need to have another one with that topic soon.

Carlos and Novi are indeed very close and I am super lucky that his work is giving him 3 weeks of paternity leave. That will make the transition much, much easier for both me and Novi. I'm a little worried that she's going to have a hard time when he finally does go back to work, but I'd rather him have the time off than not. By then, I should be recovered physically and better able to handle two kids at once.

In short, thanks again mamas...you all rock! If I find myself in need of physical or emotional support in the early postpartum days, I know where to turn